I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
