conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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