thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
