Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize