whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
