If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize