what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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