If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
