i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let's get the cat blown out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
