and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
