your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
