Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
