I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
