Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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