I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize