Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like eating out sand paper
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
