First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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