Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
