i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just gargled with NyQuil
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
