When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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