i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
