Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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