Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
