remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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