woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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