can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
