paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
