I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
