Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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