don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
