I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize