we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
