Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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