He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
then he tried to convert me to islam
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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