Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
