Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
