There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
