I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
