He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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