I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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