My Higher Power is John Stamos
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
