This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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