A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
