Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
