I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
