I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
