There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
