I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
