I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh god it's open bar.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
