i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
