So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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