I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
