I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
