Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize