he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
