I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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