hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
