I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
