Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
