We're facebook friends in real life
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
