I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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