i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
