Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She has the best kind of daddy issues
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
