How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't shave. On purpose
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
