Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
