walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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