and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize