i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So many bounce houses so little time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
