We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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