And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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