we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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