my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
