Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
