Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
