i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
