And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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