Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
