I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
