return my video game
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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