I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
