She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
