I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
