help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just threw up on my dentist
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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