Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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