I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
